February 20, 2024 Tuesday on a Roll

 You would think voluntarily putting myself in a myriad of courses would be a good thing, and it is, kind of, but there is a steep learning curve through all of this technology. Just finished recording a WeVideo of Bits and Pieces. 

It is very difficult to listen to my own voice get recorded. But apparently that is true for everyone. Kind of interesting that psychologically we are all instructed to “find your own voice”, and we all easily qualify other’s voices as part of who they are and not separate from their identity. So it is like a birthmark for a wrinkle, or hair color or hair colored sometimes. Part of the weave and warp or whatever of each of us. You hear a voice and you know whose it is. It is kind of true. Except.

Except when my daughter was born, every time I heard I child cry, I thought it was her and ran around looking in a panic, thinking why did that baby sitter bring her here, only to find it was someone else’s child. My daughter was still at the sitters. If you wonder how long that lasted, sometimes I think about that, it is still there. I have to create an internal wall, not to hear despair, sadness, frustration. Sometimes I wonder how she can guess what I am feeling, and I think that can’t be true, but she compares it to thousands of others expressions and feelings and somehow is accurate. They call it giving shade, but maybe it is better than that, maybe it is recognition of my uniqueness in her life and hers in mine.

How many people are there that even pay attention to anything about anyone else. Unless in a professional capacity. Yet I have that gift, that in that way I am never alone, never not noticed, like the piece of lettuce on my teeth. The caress of attention is a kind of love I guess.